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Charles Fleischer Narrations
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) (Read-Along) (Narration as Roger Rabbit) *''"This is the story, the yarn, the tale of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Please read along with me in your book. You'll know it's time to turn the page when you hear the chimes ring like this… Let's begin now."'' *''"Most people think it's simple being a cartoon character. They say it's a breeze, a snap, a piece of cake. Ha, that's a laugh! And I should know. I'm Roger Rabbit––king of the comics, guru of grins, sultan of smiles. You see, cartoon characters––"Toons," they call us---are really just actors. We live in a place called Toontown, and we go to work like anybody else. Take me, for instance. I spend most of my time on movie sets at the Maroon Cartoon Studios."'' *''"My boss is R.K. Maroon. While I was on the set one day, he was upstairs talking to a detective, a gumshoe, a private eye named Eddie Valiant."'' *''"Eddie looked into it, all right. He went to the club that night and caught Jessica's act. When the curtain opened, he was surprised, astonished, stupified. Jessica wasn't a rabbit at all. What she was, was beautiful."'' *''"After the show, he sneaked into an alley behind the club and got out his camera. He took pictures of Jessy––the light of my life, the cream in my coffee––playing pattycake with another man! Eddie was surprised to see who it was. Marvin Acme made trick movie props like hand buzzers and whoopie cushions. Oh, and one more thing. He was the owner of Toontown."'' *''"When Eddie showed me the pictures in R.K. Maroon's office, I could hardly bear to look. I was so upset that I forgot what always happens when I drink a soda. Before I knew it, my head had turned into a giant steam whistle. I let out a blast and rocketed through the window."'' *''"Eddie thought the job was over, finished, kaput. But the next morning, the police showed up and took him to see Judge Doom. What the judge told him was absolutely astounding. His weasel helpers backed up a truck with a vat of turpentine. The judge held a Toon shoe over it and dipped it in. The shoe melted into a puddle of paint! My knees get wobbly just thinking about it."'' *''"Eddie got a tip that Acme's will was missing. Not only that, the will left Toontown to us Toons! Eddie figured if he could find Acme's will, it might point to the real culprit and get yours truly off the hook. Smart guy, that Eddie. When he got back to his office, he took a look, a glimpse, a gander at the pattycake picture, and he noticed something."'' *''"That's when I popped up. I gave him a big smack on the lips."'' *''"That night, Eddie sneaked into Jessica's dressing room to look for the will. He heard a noise, then everything went black. The next thing he knew, he was sitting in a chair, looking up at Judge Doom, Jessica and the weasels. Eddie's face went pale."'' *''"The weasesl got some paint cans and brushes and took Eddie into the Toontown tunnel. A few minutes later, Eddie came shooting out of the tunnel. His head was painted in the shape of a Toon pig! After Eddie scrubbed off the Toon, he found me in a restaurant, entertaining the folks. He grabbed me by the ears and yanked me into a back room. Just then, we heard a commotion out front. It was Judge Doom! Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore."'' *''"The judge held my trial right there. That's when Eddie spoke up. He handed me the soda, and I took a sip."'' *''"Just like before, my head turned into a giant whistle and let out a blast. While everybody held their ears, Eddie and I ran outside. I spotted a pal of mine, Benny the Cab. We hopped in, but Eddie couldn't figure out the controls. Benny raced his engine. A few minutes later we were home free, out of the woods, in like Flynn. Benny dropped us off in front of a movie theater."'' *''"We hid in the theater, where a cartoon was playing. The crowd was cracking up, going wild, rolling in the aisles––everybody, but Eddie. Now I understood why he was such a sourpuss all the time."'' *''"Eddie was suspicious of R.K. Maroon, so we drove to the studio to visit him. Eddie went upstairs, and I watched the parking lot. I was supposed to honk the horn if I saw anything fishy, cockeyed, out of line. A minute later, I heard a noise. But before I could do anything, somebody clobbered me over the head with a frying pan, then dumped me into the trunk of a car."'' *''"Upstairs, Eddie had convinced R.K. Maroon to talk. There was a shot, and Maroon fell to the floor."'' *''"Eddie looked out the window and saw Jessica hotfooting it to her car. He followed her to Toontown, where he found the car parked next to Acme's gag factory. The trunk popped open, and yours truly peeked out. He handcuffed me to his steering wheel. When he left, I started the car."'' *''"Eddie walked into an alley and saw a dark shape. Suddenly, Jessica's voice rang out. He dove to the ground, and a bullet whizzed past his head. The dark figure ran off, holding a gun. It was Judge Doom. Jessica came up beside Eddie. She told Eddie the whole story. But the joke was on them. A gang of weasels blocked the alleyway, then hauled them off to Acme's gag factory. What they didn't know was that I was right behind them."'' *''"I managed to slip out of the cuffs and sneak inside, where Doom was giving Valiant the scoop, the poop, the lowdown. He brought out a huge dip cannon. Dip Toontown? It was too terrible to believe. I decided it was time to bite the bullet, hit the beach, O.K. the corral."'' *''"I dove into the plumbing and shout out of a drain, sending the weasels flying. I turned to Judge Doom. While I was yapping away, one of Doom's buddies pushed a stack of bricks off the rafters right above me. Jessy hurried over."'' *''"They tied Jessy and me to a big hook and turned on the dip cannon. Then the judge grabbed an oxygen tank and started sucking oxygen. He stretched and changed, blowing up like a balloon! Eddie staggered back."'' *''"Doom turned his hand into a giant buzzsaw and started forward. As he did, Eddie grabbed the dip cannon and pointed it toward Judge Doom. A minute later, the judge was just a smear of paint. When Eddie untied us, Jessica gave me a hug. I figured it was time to read her the love letter. It was all there. Acme had left Toontown to us Toons!"'' *"Afterwards, when we walked outside, the sun was just coming up over Toontown. I grinned." Category:Narrations